


A Breath in the Dark

by Bi_disaster_writer



Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017), S.W.A.T. - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Mental Health Issues, My First Fanfic, Street Whump, Street has anxiety, Street is sad, Team as Family, Therapy Mention, essentially projected all of my own issues onto Street, oh well, the team takes care of him, this was very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bi_disaster_writer/pseuds/Bi_disaster_writer
Summary: Street is having a bad day, but he doesn't know why. Luckily his team is there to help shoulder the weight while he figures it out.
Relationships: Daniel "Hondo" Harrelson & Jim Street, Jim Street & Victor Tan, Jim Street and David "Deacon" Kay, Jim Street/Victor Tan, jim street & chris alonso
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	A Breath in the Dark

He didn’t know what was going on. All he knew was that he felt off. Not bad necessarily, just like something was wrong. But he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Street sighed and checked his phone again. If he didn’t get out of bed right now he would be late for work, but just the prospect of sitting up seemed like too much. He considered calling in, but quickly realized that making a phone call, even to Hondo, somehow seemed even worse that dragging himself to work. 

He unlocked his phone and stared at the homescreen. Two notifications, one from Chris ten minutes ago about something funny Erika had said at breakfast, and one from Luca at four in the morning about the newest Flash episode. With Germany’s time difference he was often hearing from Luca at odd hours. He hesitated about answering Chris’s message, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. It just seemed like so much work. He wanted to talk to her, but the process of figuring out what to say was just too much. He continued to stare at the homescreen. 

He was startled when the phone vibrated in his hand and a message from Tan popped up:

Hey Babe, you want a ride to work this morning? We could have a little alone time before shift. 😘

Street wanted to respond. He really did. There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than some time alone with his boyfriend. And maybe a hug too. But the thought of texting him back filled him with dread. 

What the hell was going on? It felt like he was full of adrenaline and exhausted at the same time. Maybe he was getting sick. Deacon’s kids did have the flu last week. Maybe Deacon passed it along. His phone vibrated again.

Tan: Jim?

That notification reminded Street that he had to get going. The last thing he needed this morning was to have Hondo ream him out for not being on time. In fact, just imagining the disappointment on his face hit Street with a jolt of panic and made him jump out of bed and get dressed.

\---

“Hey Tan! You hear from Street this morning?” Tan heard as soon as he walked into the locker room. It was Hondo. “He’s a couple minutes late and I’m hoping he’s got a good excuse.”

Tan frowned. “No. I texted him this morning to ask if he wanted a ride, but he didn’t answer. I just figured he was already on his bike and couldn’t answer.” As if on queue, Street walked in with his head down.

“Hey Kid, you good?” Hondo asked. 

“Yeah sorry, I overslept,” Street answered quietly. Hondo raised an eyebrow at the team as they exchanged worried and confused glances. Something was definitely wrong. Street was never this quiet or dismissive. Tan made eye contact with Hondo and nodded as they made a silent agreement to keep and eye on him.

\---

Street had felt a little better after being outside and getting himself to work. And then he walked into the locker room and could feel everyone’s eyes on him. He was only a few minutes late, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But what if they thought he was irresponsible? God, what if they were mad at him? He kept his head down and went straight to his locker, answering Hondo’s concerns quickly. He didn’t want to explain what was going on, he didn’t even know how to. He rummaged through his locker, stalling until the team left the room. For some reason he felt cornered with them all in there watching him. 

After a few minutes they seemed to get the hint and filed out. Except for Tan. “Hey,” Tan said, coming up to him. “Did you get my texts this morning?”

“Yeah,” Street answered. “Sorry Babe, I was just… in a rush.”

Tan looked at him for a minute. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

Street didn’t answer at first. He didn’t want to lie to Tan, but he didn’t know what to say. And would it really be lying to brush it off? He wasn’t hurt, he wasn’t upset about anything. He just felt weird. 

“Yeah I’m fine. We better get out there before Hondo comes in here and drags us out,” he finally replied, forcing a smile onto his face. He leaned up to give Tan a quick peck on the lips before leaving the locker room.

\---

A few hours later the team came back from a successful mission, and Street felt great. They got called to a hostage situation at a bank, and they were able to apprehend the robber before any civilians were hurt. Whatever was going on with Street seemed to disappear, or at least fade into the background while he fell into the maneuvers that felt like second nature. Being able to put all his focus onto one thing made his head seem a lot clearer. Not to mention how great it felt to complete a mission with zero casualties. 

Right now Street, Chris, Tan, and Deacon were at the table in the breakroom while Hondo made a batch of his infamous gumbo. Chris and Tan were playing a friendly round of go fish while they waited for lunch. Well, it was friendly. For all of two minutes. 

“Do you have any sevens?” Chris asked Tan.

“How are you doing this? You have to be cheating.”

“How would I cheat at Go Fish?”

“You tell me.”

“You guys are worse than Lila and Matthew,” Deacon cut in, causing the five of them to start laughing. 

“Hey Street,” Hondo called when they all calmed down. “Come help me plate this.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

With his luck, Street really should have known that his good feeling wouldn’t last. He was scooping the gumbo into the last bowl when he lost his grip and the bowl shattered at his feet, spilling the food everywhere. 

“Shit! Street, are you alright?” he heard Hondo ask from behind him. He could feel the team’s eyes on his back but couldn’t bring himself to turn around for fear of them seeing the tears that had gathered in his eyes. “Kid?”

Why was he crying? Logically, he knew this wasn’t a big deal. S.W.A.T. had hundreds of bowls, and it would be super easy to clean up. But he couldn’t help but listen to the voice in his head. You idiot. You messed up and they all saw it. You couldn’t even handle putting some soup in a bowl, what will they think of you?

“I’m ok,” he replied, hoping they wouldn’t notice how his voice shook. God, he was such a baby. “I uh, I gotta go.” What a weak excuse. He fled the room before the tears could fall. Thankfully nobody followed him. He couldn’t even begin to explain what was going on, and he needed a few minutes to calm himself down. 

\---

Thankfully nobody brought up the kitchen incident for the rest of the shift. Street spent it keeping his head down and avoiding everyone. They didn’t have any more calls, so he was able to spend most of the time in the gym working off all of his nervous energy. 

At the moment he was in the locker room getting changed. He found it strange that he was alone in there, considering it was the end of the shift and everyone would normally be getting ready to head home, but he didn’t give it much thought. He was grateful that there was no one around to bring up what happened in the breakroom.

He pulled his bag over his shoulder and went to close his locker. But when he tried locking it he found that the lock wouldn’t close. It must have been jammed. He messed with it, jiggling it and pushing it, but nothing worked. He could feel himself getting much more worked up than the situation called for, but he couldn’t stop himself. Suddenly the lock slipped and caught on his finger.

“Damn It!” he shouted, shaking his hand out and punching the locker with the other.

“Damn kid, what did that locker ever do to you?”

Street turned his head, startled, to see Hondo standing in the doorway. He was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. Despite the joking tone in his voice, he was looking at Street with concern in his eyes. 

“Street, what’s going on?” Hondo tried again when he didn’t answer. Street looked down when Hondo moved closer to him. “Hey. Talk to me kid. All day you’ve been acting off, keeping to yourself and getting easily upset. That’s not you. What’s going on?”

Street could feel the tears building up again and he struggled to wipe them away before they fell. He felt Hondo put a hand on his shoulder. He tried to calm himself down. This was Hondo. Hondo wouldn’t judge him. 

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he whispered. 

“What was that?”

“I don’t know!” he said again, this time coming out on a sob. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me! It’s like there’s a hundred thoughts in my head at once and I can’t focus on any of them. And everything is making me upset and I don’t know why!  
” He was full on sobbing by the end of his speech, but he didn’t have any energy left to be embarrassed about it. Suddenly, he found himself pulled into Hondo’s arms. 

“Shh, shh, it’s ok kid, I got you. It’s ok. Just breathe.” Street clutched onto the back of Hondo’s shirt and Hondo responded by bringing one of his hands up to cup the back of Street’s head and rubbing his back with the other. “Whatever is going on with you, we will figure it out ok? You don’t have to deal with this alone. We’ve got you.” 

After a couple of minutes Street was able to get his breathing under control and stop sobbing. He buried his face into Hondo’s shoulder as a few silent tears escaped. The whole time Hondo never loosened his hold on him. For the first time since he woke up, Street felt a sense of calm being wrapped up in the arms of someone he considered a father figure. 

Eventually he forced himself to step back from the comfort. He kept his head down, unable to look Hondo in the eyes after such an open display of emotions. 

“Hey Street,” Hondo gently grasped his chin, bringing Street’s gaze up to meet him. “We’re gonna figure this out, ok?” He wiped away a final tear with his thumb as Street nodded. “Are you ready to let the rest of the team in here? I’m pretty sure your man is about to break the door down. 

Street let out a small laugh despite himself. He nodded again and went to open the door when Hondo stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. 

“Hey kid, I think tomorrow we should go see Dr. Wendy. She’ll know how to handle this.”

Street nodded. The thought of talking to Dr. Wendy about this, as much as he liked her, hit him with another pang of dread. He didn’t want to do it alone. “Could you..” he trailed off. Could he really ask this? How pathetic would that be, asking his boss to go with him to talk to a therapist?

Luckily, Hondo seemed to know exactly where his head was at. “Hey, there is no shame in any of this, ok? We all need a little help from time to time, and me and the team are here for you. That’s what family does ok? I will be right there with you.”

Street nodded gratefully, and pulled Hondo into another quick hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Anytime kid. We got your back.”

Street smiled in response. Then he finally went and opened the door. He was immediately smothered in a hug from Chris. Tan and Deacon came in and hugged him too, with Tan also dropping a kiss on his head.

Street looked around at his team and was finally able to take a deep breath. Whatever was going on with him, he didn’t have to deal with it alone. He had people in his corner who were willing to help him carry the weight until he got back on his feet. He had a family.


End file.
